Guest contributor on healthline parenthood

I recently had the pleasure of being able to “guest blog” about my adoption journey. This was a great experience that I wanted to share here….

“As an adult adoptee in a same-gender relationship, I never expected it’d be hard to let go of the idea of being pregnant. Once I did, I came face to face with some harsh truths about adoption.

When my ex and I started talking about expanding our family, we decided to try insemination first. When that didn’t work, we shifted to adoption.

And we tried to get pregnant — goodness, it’s not like we didn’t try.

Being in a partnership with another woman means the “trying” is always intentional. When you plan to conceive by way of insemination or in vitro fertilization, there are no #oopsie conversations that lead with, I don’t know when or how THAT happened!

We pored over books of possible sperm donors and when we landed on “the one” we ordered his sperm and scheduled the necessary appointments at the fertility clinic.

We decided that our first time trying to inseminate would be done on our own, in our home, because we wanted to create a loving, romantic space. We thought it would help the process energetically.

So the bath was drawn, the candles lit, the vibrator nearby, and we were ready to ease into the experience by way of an intentional — and shall I say, awkward — ritual. I thought it would be MAGICAL, and obviously it would work. The first time.

HA! At the time, we lived in a bungalow with one bathroom and a very small tub. I’m 5’10” and my ex partner is 5’11” — so both of us fitting in one small tub wasn’t an option.

Hell, me fitting in one small tub is barely an option unless I’m cool with having one half of my body in the water while the other half freezes in the open air.

And even though we did all the things we thought we should do, I didn’t get pregnant. Not that time… nor the 8 additional times we tried. We had to change our plan if we wanted to expand our family because getting pregnant by way of insemination was no longer an option.

If at first you don’t succeed… try adoption

I should point out that I’m an adult adoptee who has two adopted siblings and now, two children who are adopted. I love adoption.

Naturally, I thought I would have zero issues with embracing adoption as the way we grew our family. But I was wrong.

Releasing the thought of being pregnant was a lot harder than I had expected. I had fallen victim to society’s messaging around a woman’s worth and pregnancy.

In our culture, pregnant women are glorified and put on a pedestal — if they present as the ‘right’ type of pregnant woman.

We shoot glorious maternity photos, we praise pregnant women who work grueling hours, we celebrate pregnant women who work out and do all the things while pregnant. We talk about having a child of “your own” — a mini-me.

I mean, goodness, look at all the Instagram posts of women dressed like their babes.

In our culture, we send the message that choosing to be pregnant elevates your worth in the world. And who the hell wouldn’t want to feel worthy?

I felt just as disappointed as anyone when realizing pregnancy wasn’t going to happen for me.

But we were determined to expand our family and adoption was the route we accepted. So, our adoption journey began.”

To read the rest of the article entitled, “I’m Not Pregnant, I’m Just Bloated: My Adoption Journey” please CLICK HERE!

About Debbie Scheer

Debbie Scheer is a speaker, emcee, benefit auctioneer, and humor strategist who resides in Denver, Colorado with her two children. Debbie speaks on a variety of topics including sober life, parenting, transracial adoption, GLBTQ+, grief and resiliency, privilege and mental health.

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